I’ve written and re-written this post a few times. I am finding it hard to translate into words just how much the whole “they are my back-up” concept gets my brain stuck.
Some things should always be wrong. Whether you are an 80’s child or a 90’s child, some lines are just not meant to be crossed.
And as much as I wished for it, no justice dragon is ever going to pop out of the center of the world and hold people accountable for the sneaky, messed up things they do.
Using someone as an ends to a mean is not okay. It should never be okay, not when it is so premeditated and calculated.
A few months back, I asked a friend why they were actively encouraging the attention of so many different people even though they had a significant other who loves them very, very much.
“Look, there’s no harm in keeping a back-up. Or a few even. If things don’t work out, I’ll always have someone else to fall back on.”
I am usually an opinionated person, one not afraid to voice where I stand, but I had nothing to say.
No witty comment, no sarcastic answer.
It is perverse, too subtle to be called cheating and too devious not to be. I do not understand why someone in a loving relationship would make themselves available to others “just in case”.
The safest feeling in the world has to be knowing someone can care about the smallest thing in your life despite your flaws. What better feeling than when that they say “I love you”? You know you’re broken and imperfect. They know it too. And they still look at you as though their gravity depends on your smile. It should not be treated as any other commodity to be bargained for and cheated on.
I have done my fair share of stupid mistakes in relationships. Manipulating other people’s feelings to keep my options open is not one of them and I am starting to feel like that might be more to my disadvantage, The more people I talk to about this, the more it seems like my whole generation is well and aware of the back up trend except for stupid little me.
Is it really that naive to believe love should be exempt from such a level of deceit?
I already have a hard enough time trusting people courtesy of one too many back stabs in the past. Now, it seems like even when you do manage to lower your guards and trust someone… well you probably should not. Because, hey, they might be entertaining back ups while you’re not there.
Wow. Yeah. Let’s go back to arranged marriages then.
Still trying to wrap my head around this: the majority of people in a solid relationship out there string others along as a safety net to keep their options open…
Ding Ding Ding someone won a free trip to the psychiatrist. Might be me.